She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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