3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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