there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
