We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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