If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
