so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
