used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
