Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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