I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
