i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
