Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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