Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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