My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
