capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
