We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wish my penis had an off switch
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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