I'm eating all of the evidence.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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