OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize