is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
