Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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