I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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