I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
