Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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