my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
