I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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