At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
