Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
