Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
