I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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