Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize