I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
