i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
