Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
