I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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