We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
