fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
