her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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