you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
