I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
