I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
barbara walters just said penis...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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