Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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