i love accidental penises.
what day is it and did you see me today?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
