Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
