I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
