I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
