Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
