my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
