Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
