how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
cat food counts as protein by the way
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
