So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize