There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
