Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize