I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
