I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
