fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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