I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
