dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
