Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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