You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is wine microwaveable?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
