Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
