just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she told me i tasted like america
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
