shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize