According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
