Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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