just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
