oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
