and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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