tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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