a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
