it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
