do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
