your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize