His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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