he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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