that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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