I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
