just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
