The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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